my modelling career

Most of you know I'm a photographer,
but how many of you knew I was a model?

photos by Jason Ashley

spelling correctly

spelling correctly
so fuckin last century man

i discovered from surfing myspace,
2 things:
1. people are really just interested in each other
2. the youth of america is shitfaced

i fall in love several times a day

in the past
love was like this thing man
this far out thing that I just loved you know?
I loved love man.

but now
I am so fuckin dope and hot and rad
that love is like this fuckin shit man
fuck all that shit

you know?

but I can't help notice
tom has like 31,092,696 friends
and I can't help notice
how amazing people can be
even on myspace

and I even can't help notice
how beautiful people are
no matter what
no matter how much I drink
people are still beautiful

sometimes you move so far backwards
you come out on the other side

faries at night

galactic gallabanting

job opportunity

i am sitting here at my desk
surrounded by fairies
they told me if I can stop my internal dialogue
they will text message the penicorn to roll through

but my mind is frantically spinning
darting hither and nither
my fingers are shaking
and the music coming out of my headphones
is like the trumpeting call of an entire galaxy of angels,
leading me deeper and deeper
into the tunnel of light
cast by the mystical thunder viper...

my deepest confession:
I am not the Mystical thunder viper.
that is real and I know you don't believe me
the viper left me about 2 years ago
but he still calls sometimes
The fairies are actually part of his staff

they are here to discuss a job opportunity
and I'm stoked
I just haven't quite worked out how to make the jump to hyperspace
or mellow space for that matter

the problem is
fairies have it so easy
they are born with the ability to just go with the flow
they have such a profound faith, and it's easy
being a fairy
but me, i've little experience with stuff like that...
just trusting the universe
even though I spent a solid summer possessed by the viper
I still don't know
my heart is still a little dark.

but as I sit here
my hands start to disappear
and I can feel the ocean of life
washing away my guilt and stupidity
my fingers are blurred
my mind is a garden
and I have so much love I can't stand it
but I will anyway.

ok you fairy bunch
i'm ready. do with me what you will

©2005 the Mystical Thunder Viper A.K.A. M.T.V.

suffering bastard

like a bolt of blue
i descend upon gardena
futuristic sounds
bump bump bumping on the stereo

language is slowly transforming
due to the introduction
of text messaging to my diet
spelling is a hinderance
how's my favorite penicorn?

last night I dreamt
that I became one with myspace
now I know what it means
to be the champion of the universe

my next adventure
and this is totally real
will be to drink every exotic rum drink
on the menu at the quon brother's
that's 12
approximately $72

the other night at the short stop
after i ruled your world with my dances
a wise man told me
I need some casey time.

By the power of greyskull!

life is a fantasy realm
I am a body builder
I worship a mythical creature
it's name is the penicorn

here is how you make a penicorn
that is of coarse, if you are god:
1 part magic
2 parts manhorse
3 parts cocaine
dash of san francisco to taste

put all the ingredients
in a pewter cauldron
then you sing a song called:
I aint gonna work a day in my life!
La la la la la la la la la!
sweet!

then you grow a large penis
out of your head
and you forget your name
and you forget the game
just you and your penis head

welcome to the penicorn:
put on your oxhide codpeice
shine your belt buckle
and get ready